People with special needs have feelings.
P3 Israel was born out of a desire to not only support the land and people of Israel, but to build long term relationships. Working together in unity and with excellence in order to bring hope and make a difference in the lives of those around us.
The idea of bringing hope and making a difference is not a foreign one to me. My youngest sister was born with Down syndrome, and our family has been dedicated to making sure she has the tools she needs in order to live her life as independently as possible. This idea is the reason why I started coaching Special Olympics. Making sure that individuals like her had the opportunity to participate in sports and be rewarded for their efforts. It’s also the reason that for eight and a half years I had the privilege of working at Green Oaks Education & Support where the goal was to offer individuals with Down syndrome and similar disabilities the opportunity to reach their maximum potential and live a purposeful life.
Often people would say to me “Oh, I could never do what you do”. It sounds like a compliment, but what they’re really saying is, “It would be too hard for me teach someone with a disability”. While these well-meaning people were trying to pay me a compliment, it’s actually rather insulting, not just to the individuals you are referring to, but yourself as well. I think often times we say we can’t do something, when the real truth is it’s hard or challenging, therefore we don’t want to do it.
The question “why is it so hard for some people?” can be uncomfortable for us to answer, but don’t worry, I’m here to help! The following are a few simple things you can do (or not do) when interacting with an individual with special needs.
Talk to the individual, not whoever is with them
It can be hard to witness, but when you’re at a restaurant and see someone with an obvious disability, watch how the waiter interacts with them. More often than not, they’ll ask whoever they’re with – not them – what they’re ordering, sadly assuming that their disability affects their mental ability. This way of thinking still permeates our society and is one of the top offenses to people with disabilities. Always assume they can think just as quickly as you can. They are just as capable as anyone else.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions
We often think we need to know everything there is to know about a certain person or disability before we are comfortable being around them. While this would be ideal, it is an unrealistic expectation. Take some time to get to know the individual. We often don’t ask questions for fear of appearing ignorant or rude. But in all honesty, isn’t that how you get to know someone? Here are a few questions to get you started:
What activities do you like?
What’s your favorite holiday?
What’s your favorite food?
Tell them what you like! I bet they’re better at remembering these little tidbits than you are 😉
Ask before helping
It may be hard to resist, but automatically helping without first asking should never be done. They know when to ask for help. Just wait for them to speak up. Even if it seems like they’re too shy to ask, please don’t grab their jacket and help them put it on without asking first. How would you like it if someone barged into your personal space? You wouldn’t. The same goes for people with special needs/disabilities.
Avoid the “you’re so inspirational” remarks
People with disabilities as a whole don’t like being referred to as “inspirational,” especially when they do a basic task like getting from Point A to Point B or fix themselves a meal. While it can be inspiring to you and me, they are simply living their lives like everyone else. So try to refrain from sharing those thoughts, your comment can have a negative effect, reminding them how different people still think they are.
Refer to them as a person first
Throughout this post, you may have noticed me referring to the special needs or disabled population as “people with disabilities” or “individuals with special needs”. This is called “person first” language and people with disabilities should be referred to this way. It’s about looking past the disability and seeing them for the fellow human being that they are.
Not all disabilities are visual
The World Health Organization estimates that around 15% of people across the entire globe live with a disability of some kind. That is over 1 billion people. Not all of these are visible outwardly. For example, you might not notice someone else has chronic pain, especially if you don't know them or they didn't share this information with you. A hidden or invisible disability also comes with the challenge of disbelief. Others can’t see it, therefore they can’t or won’t understand. It’s ok to not understand everything, that’s what learning is all about. However, it’s not ok to treat someone differently just because you don’t understand or can’t “see” their disability.
When in doubt, refer to the Golden Rule
The Golden Rule is beautifully simple – treat others as you’d like to be treated, or put another way, love your neighbor as yourself. Whether they’re family, friends or neighbors, next door or across an ocean. At the end of the day, this is the only tip you need. Often, interacting with people with disabilities is only as hard as we make it. Remember the basics above, while remembering the importance of good human interaction. If you can manage that, you’re officially a cut above the rest!
In closing I’d like to share this story with you. The last 3-4 years I worked at Green Oaks Adult Education & Support I was in the GOAL (Green Oaks Adult Learning) program. Some of the participants were younger than me, but some were my age or older.
I visited there not too long ago when Philip and Tsvia Barnea were visiting from Israel. They had come into town for a P3Israel meeting and we wanted to show them around our “neck of the woods” and introduce them to some of our partners. Some of my former students have gone on to different programs, a few precious ones have actually passed away, but I knew several in particular were still there. I’ll admit I was a bit nervous, would they remember me?
We toured different classrooms in the main building, most of these students I either didn’t know or they were too young to be able to remember me now. Next we went to the GOAL building and sure enough, there they were, learning about different countries from around the globe. I scanned the room and saw several familiar faces. One participant in particular, glanced up at us when we came in, then her head whipped back around and she said “MS. SHAW?!” I was elated she remembered me! A few more began to recognize me and we were able to visit for a few minutes.
Our time was short, and they had things to do, so we moved on with our tour. On our way out, a few more of my former students were coming back from an outing. They again said, “Ms. Shaw?!?!” and we hugged and exclaimed over each other all over again. After we left I sat in my car for a few minutes and have to admit I shed a few tears. Not of sadness but of joy from being able to spend just a few minutes with those precious people. People would praise me for the impact I’ve had on their lives, but it is quite the other way around. I am the person I am today because of them.
I tell you all of this to say that often times the projects that have to do with special needs are the most difficult to fill volunteer wise. Maybe you don’t know anyone with a disability, or maybe the ones you do know, you’re apprehensive about approaching. You don’t want to do something wrong, or it’s scary to you, so you pick a different project. I understand, I really do.
Our goal at P3Israel is a simple one; to make someone’s life just a little bit better. Our vision is big; we want to add more partners, more projects and make many more friends. And while my goal is to change the lives of those I come in contact with, the real truth is that my life is the one that is changed. There’s something about giving of yourself, without thought to personal gain, that opens up doors you never thought you’d go thru. My hope is that many of you will go through those doors with us. What are you waiting for?